Spiritual abuse can hurt us deeply. And sometimes, the effects don’t go away even after we leave the harmful group or person. This post explains how spiritual abuse can change the way we feel, think, and live. Unless we get the right support, these effects can last for a very long time.
If you start feeling overwhelmed while reading, it’s okay to take a break. There are pages like Help for When You Feel Overwhelmed: Getting Through Hard Moments or Get Help for Spiritual Abuse that can help. You are not alone, and healing is possible.
What Is Spiritual Abuse?
Spiritual abuse is when someone uses spiritual beliefs, scriptures or traditions to control you. They might say they speak for God or that you must follow their rules or else something bad will happen to you.
People who use spiritual abuse often want to get things from you — like your time, money, trust, or loyalty — and they don’t want you to say no.
- To find out more about what spiritual abuse is, check out my post: Spiritual Abuse Explained: What It Is and How to Recognise It
- If you are worried that you might be experiencing spiritual abuse, visit this page: Am I Being Spiritually Abused? Signs, Support, and What to Do Next
Spiritual abuse can cause a lot of trauma, which I talk about in my post: Does Spiritual Abuse Cause Trauma? Understanding the Impact. But here, I am looking at the other ways that spiritual abuse impacts people’s lives.
It Often Comes With Other Abuse Too
Spiritual abuse doesn’t usually happen by itself. The person who is hurting you might also hurt you in other ways. They might:
- Hit you or hurt your body
- Tell you to give them money
- Say they love you but treat you badly
- Ask for sex or force you to have it when you don’t want to
Then they may say it’s what God wants, or that you deserve it. That can make things even more confusing and painful. It can make it harder to get help for the other kinds of abuse, and you might feel trapped.
It Can Go On for a Long Time
Spiritual abuse often lasts for weeks, months, or even years. That’s a long time to feel unsafe or scared. When someone is in a situation like this for a long time, it can change the way they think and feel about everything — even after they leave. It can take a lot longer to heal, and you will probably need more support.
It Hurts Your Confidence
When someone is spiritually abusive, they want you to stop trusting yourself. They might say things like:
- “You don’t know what’s right. I do.”
- “God told me what you should do.”
- “You will be spiritually punished if you don’t listen to me.”
This can make you feel like you can’t trust your own thoughts, feelings, or choices. That makes it easier for them to control you.
If you grew up in this kind of group or family, the effects might be even stronger. It can be really hard to learn how to think for yourself when you were never allowed to before.
It Affects Your Body
Your body knows when something isn’t right. When you’re in a harmful situation but can’t escape, your body holds on to that stress. Over time, this can cause real health problems, like:
- Tiredness that won’t go away
- Headaches or stomach aches
- Feeling dizzy
- Feeling sick a lot of the time
When we don’t have help or support, this stress can stay stuck in our bodies.
It Causes Shame
Spiritual abuse can make you feel like you’re not good enough. The abuser might tell you:
- “You’re sinful or broken.”
- “You need to obey to be loved by God.”
- “You’re less important than others.”
These messages are used to control you. They make you feel like you deserve to be treated badly. But that’s not true. Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect.
It Can Leave You With Nothing
Sometimes people give all their money, time, or energy to a harmful group. They might even live in a house the group owns or work for them. When they leave, they might:
- Lose their job
- Lose their home
- Have no money or work experience
This can make life after leaving the group very hard.
It Can Make You Feel Alone
Many people who leave a harmful group lose all their friends and family. People in the group might stop talking to them. If the group kept you away from the outside world, you might not know how to make new friends. You might even be scared of the world outside, because the group told you it was dangerous.
It Can Make You Afraid to Trust Anyone
If someone you trusted used your beliefs to control you, it makes it hard to trust others. You might think:
- “What if this new person also tries to hurt me?”
- “How do I know if someone is being kind or just trying to get my trust to use me?”
- “How can I trust someone in charge, like a doctor or a therapist, when leaders have hurt me so badly?”
This fear makes sense. But over time, with help and healing, you can learn to spot the difference between people who are safe and people who are not.
It Can Make You Feel Confused About What You Believe
Spiritual abuse can twist your beliefs. The things you once found beautiful or helpful might now make you feel scared or sad. You might feel like:
- You don’t know what’s true anymore
- You don’t know who you are
- You have to throw everything away, even the good parts
That’s normal after spiritual abuse. It can feel like your whole world has been turned upside down. But it is possible to rebuild who you are and what you think in a way that feels safe and good for you.
It Can Make You Miss Things That Once Felt Safe
You might feel scared or upset by things that used to make you feel close to your faith, like:
- Praying
- Reading sacred texts
- Visiting a religious space
Your body might react as if you’re in danger, even if you’re not. This is your brain trying to protect you, but it can be really hard to deal with. You might miss the things that once felt very special to you.
If your group taught you that the outside world is bad and evil, it might be hard to find new things that feel safe. Your body might react to them too. As you learn to undo those teachings and manage feeling overwhelmed, it is possible to find new things which feel beautiful and meaningful.
It Can Make You Feel Like You Don’t Belong Anywhere
You might have felt like you were part of something important. You might have thought you were special or chosen. Leaving that group can feel like losing your whole identity. You might ask:
- “Where do I belong now?”
- “Does my life still matter?”
Feeling lost is normal. But it doesn’t mean you’ll feel this way forever. With some help and support, you can find new places to belong and new things to focus on.
It Can Fill You With Fear
In spiritual abuse, people might tell you that God is always watching you, and that you’ll be punished if you don’t obey. Even after you leave, you might still be scared that something bad will happen to you.
You might:
- Have scary thoughts
- Feel nervous all the time
- Be afraid to make choices
Even if you know those old beliefs aren’t true anymore, your body might still feel afraid. That’s part of how indoctrination works. But it’s possible to work through it.
It Can Make Life Feel Really Hard
All of this can make it hard to do everyday things. You might:
- Struggle to get out of bed
- Feel confused or forgetful
- Have panic attacks
- Feel numb or hopeless
These are signs of something called PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). It’s a normal reaction to something overwhelming like spiritual abuse. And it can get better with help.
Final Thoughts: You’re Not Alone
If you see yourself in any of this, please know: you are not broken. You are not weak. You are not to blame for what happened. Spiritual abuse is real, and the pain it causes is real.
But healing is real too. There are people who understand what you’ve been through. There are safe places and safe people. You can rebuild your life, little by little.
Need Help?
- Visit the Get Help for Spiritual Abuse page for support
- If you’re feeling overwhelmed, visit the Help for When You Feel Overwhelmed: Getting Through Hard Moments page
- To learn more about what recovery looks like, read this post: How to Heal from Spiritual Abuse: A Step-by-Step Recovery Guide
You’re not alone. And you’re worth the effort it takes to heal.
Books I Used to Write This Post
- Escaping the Maze of Spiritual Abuse, by Lisa Oakley and Justin Humphreys
- Walking Free From The Trauma Of Coercive, Cultic and Spiritual Abuse, by Gillie Jenkinson
- When Religion Hurts You: Healing from Religious Trauma and the Impact of High-Control Religion, by Laura Anderson
- Take Back Your Life: Recovering From Cults and Abusive Relationships, by Janja Lalich and Madeleine Tobias
For more helpful books, videos and podcasts about spiritual abuse and the road to recovery, check out the Spiritual Abuse Recovery: Helpful Resources page.
