You might notice that I don’t share many personal details on this blog. I mention a little bit about my religious background on the About page, but I don’t talk much about my past or the tough things I’ve been through.
People sometimes ask me why. It’s a good question. Lots of people have their own stories, and they wonder whether to share them online. I want to explain why I’ve chosen not to.
I’m Thinking About My Clients
I’m writing this blog while I’m training to be a counsellor (a therapist for my American friends), to support other people who have been abused. One day, the people I help might read what I’ve written here.
Counsellors are taught to be careful when talking about themselves. It’s not that I want to be secretive or hide away. But anything I do share needs to be for a good reason — not just because I want to talk about myself.
I write this blog to help you, not to process my own story. So I only share things that I think might really support others.
The Internet Doesn’t Feel Safe
I do talk about my past — just not here. I talk to people I trust, like my counsellor, close friends, or others who have been through the same things.
Before I share anything personal, I need to feel sure that it’s safe. I’ve learned to be careful with my story.
The internet doesn’t feel like a safe place for me. Anyone can read it. Anyone can copy it. The internet isn’t therapy, and it doesn’t always respond with kindness.
The Internet Is Forever
Even if I delete a blog post, it might still exist somewhere online — saved, backed up, or copied. That’s why I’m very cautious about what I share.
Maybe it’s because I’ve worked in digital marketing, but I know how quickly things can spread online. I try to protect my story like I would protect my personal information.
My Story Might Upset Others
Sometimes, reading about someone else’s painful experience helps us feel less alone. But other times, it can bring up hard memories and make people feel worse.
I want this blog to be a kind place. That’s why I choose to support survivors in other ways — like naming what happened, offering empathy, and helping people feel heard — without going into the painful details of my own story.
I Want Everyone to Feel Included
Spiritual abuse can happen in lots of different places and situations. Recovery looks different for everyone, but there are things that can help most people.
If I shared all the details of my story, some people might think, “That’s not what happened to me — maybe her advice doesn’t apply to me.” Or they might compare stories, thinking mine was “worse” or “not as bad.”
That’s not helpful.
I want you to judge what I say based on whether it helps you, without my story getting in the way.
There Are Other Ways to Make a Difference
Some people share their stories online or in books to help others and raise awareness. I really admire that, and I support them fully.
But I choose to speak up in different ways — like working with the Charity for Action on Spiritual Abuse, writing this blog, and taking part in research.
We all get to choose how we want to make a difference.
I Want to Focus on Healing
My main goal in writing this blog is to help people recover from spiritual abuse and move forward.
If writing this blog stopped me from moving forward, that would be a problem. That’s why I talk more about healing than about the pain I went through.
You Get To Decide For Yourself
We all get to decide for ourselves what we do with our story. You might decide you want to share your story online, to help yourself and other people heal or feel less alone. That’s totally fine, and might be really helpful for other people.
Whatever decision you make, just take a moment and think about a few things:
- will I be happy if someone I know reads this and recognises me?
- will I be happy if people are still reading this in ten years’ time?
- will I be happy if people I meet in the future can read this?
Some of us are coming out of groups where we were expected to share everything openly. We might find it hard to know what is a healthy level of openness.
If that’s you, check that you don’t feel pressure to share this story like you used to. And maybe ask advice from people you trust about how much is too much to share.
If you would find it healing to share your story and feel heard, perhaps online isn’t the best place. You could talk to a counsellor, check out the Get Help for Spiritual Abuse page, or talk to someone you trust instead.
I’ve made this decision for myself, and you get to make it for you. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you are looking after yourself as best you can. There are lots of ways to heal which don’t need us to share everything online.
To read more about healing from spiritual abuse, check out this post: How to Heal from Spiritual Abuse: A Step-by-Step Recovery Guide.
