If you’re starting to wonder whether you’re being spiritually abused, it can feel like a lot to deal with.
Before you read more:
- Take a deep breath.
- Say to yourself: “I am going to be ok. I can protect myself. I can get help.”
If you’re worried about your safety, it’s really important to get help.
If you’re in danger right now, call 999.
You can also visit the Get Help for Spiritual Abuse page to find places that can help you.
Understanding Why It’s Abuse
If something feels wrong, it can help to write down exactly what is happening. What words, actions, or situations feel abusive?
This list can:
- Help you see things more clearly
- Remind you that you deserve help
- Be useful if you talk to others about it
Keep it somewhere safe—maybe hide it or protect it with a password.
You don’t need to write it all at once. Take your time. If you start to feel overwhelmed, check out the Help for When You Feel Overwhelmed: Getting Through Hard Moments page.
These posts can help you learn more about spiritual abuse to help you compare your list with what spiritual abuse looks like.
- Spiritual Abuse Explained: What It Is and How to Recognise It
- Examples of Spiritual Abuse: Learn to Spot the Signs
- What Is Indoctrination? How Spiritual Abuse Can Change How You Think
- From Healthy to Harmful: Where Is The Line?
Even if you decide that it wasn’t spiritual abuse, that doesn’t mean that everything is ok. You still might have been very hurt, and the group might still be unhealthy. A lot of the advice about recovery on this website will still apply to you.
Could Other Abuse Be Happening?
Spiritual abuse can happen at the same time as other kinds of abuse, like:
- Sexual abuse
- Physical abuse
- Financial abuse
- Domestic abuse
If this is happening, there may be rules or laws that can help protect you. You may be able to report it or ask for help.
Is Anyone Else Being Hurt?
Are you the only one going through this? Or are other people, like children or vulnerable adults, being spiritually abused too?
If others are being harmed, it’s very important to get help.
You may need to speak to the police or social services.
The post Supporting Someone Facing Spiritual Abuse: How You Can Help that you might find helpful.
Collecting Evidence
You may want to collect evidence of what is happening, in case you need it later. You can:
- Save texts or emails
- Write down conversations
- Record things (if safe to do so)
Keep this evidence somewhere private and safe. Don’t let the people hurting you find out.
Getting Help
Visit the Get Help for Spiritual Abuse page for a list of organisations that can help you.
In some situations, you might be able to talk to someone in the group—especially if there’s someone responsible for safeguarding.
But sometimes, no one in the group feels safe to talk to. Do you have a friend or family member outside the group you trust?
Getting support from someone outside the group can make a big difference.
Staying Safe
Your safety is the most important thing.
Sometimes, the safest thing is to leave right away.
Other times, leaving straight away might be too dangerous. That’s ok. You can still make a plan.
If you’re thinking about leaving, think about how you’ll tell people (if at all).
Or, if you need to move out, make a plan. Think about:
- Where you’ll go
- Who you’ll tell your new address to (only people you trust)
The National Domestic Abuse Helpline has a helpful guide here.
If you need to stay for a while longer, are there ways to protect yourself?
- Can you skip certain events or meetings?
- Can you keep some distance from the person hurting you?
You should never feel forced to stay because of threats, guilt, or fear—whether that’s from other people, or from what you believe about God or spirituality.
If you feel this way, speak to someone on the Get Help for Spiritual Abuse page. They will understand and help you.
Don’t Try to “Fix” It Alone
Sometimes we want to stay and try to change things. But if you are being hurt, it’s more important to stay safe.
You might not be able to confront the person hurting you until you are somewhere safe.
You Are Going to Be OK
Getting out of a spiritually abusive situation is hard.
It may take time, and it may feel scary.
But things can get better.
You can get help.
And you will be ok.
You deserve a life free from abuse.
