Was It a Cult? Deciding What To Call A Harmful Group

By RuthUnderstanding Spiritual Abuse
A person thinking, with the words 'yes', 'no' and 'maybe' above their head.

These days, lots of people are talking about cults. You might see documentaries or books about people who escaped them. But is “cult” the right word for every harmful spiritual group?

The answer is: sometimes yes, and sometimes no.

Why Calling a Group a Cult Can Help

Here are some good reasons to use the word “cult”:

  • There’s a lot of information out there about cults. If someone is trying to leave a harmful group, looking up “cult” might help them find support.
  • Many people understand what a cult is. So saying your group was a cult can help others quickly understand that it was harmful.
  • People know that cults use control and brainwashing. This can help survivors realise they were being controlled and it wasn’t their fault.
Two people having a discussion, one person pointing at some notes, the other has their hand outstretched and a lightbulb hovers above it, to represent experiences being communicated well by using the language of cults.

Why “Cult” Isn’t Always the Right Word

But the word “cult” isn’t always helpful. Here’s why:

  • People often think cults are super extreme. But spiritual abuse can happen in regular faith groups, families, or even just between two people.
  • Everyone has their own idea of what a cult is, so they might not understand your experience if it doesn’t match their idea.
  • Not all spiritual abuse is as extreme as in cults. Only talking about cults might make us miss less obvious abuse, or not catch it early on.
One person in the middle reaching out their hand looking distressed, one person either side facing outwards with their eyes closed ignoring the person in the middle.

So What Is a Cult?

A cult expert named Janja Lalich says cults usually have four things:

  1. A strong leader – someone who starts the group and has a lot of power.
  2. Superior beliefs – a plan to reach something amazing like heaven or enlightenment.
  3. Control systems – lots of rules, pressure to change who you are, or break away from your old life. Spiritual beliefs and activities like meditation, singing, chanting, and rituals are used to control your thinking.
  4. Influence systems – less obvious types of control shapes how people act and think, using peer pressure, shared language, and group culture.
A pyramid with a cruel leader at the top, and other members of the cult looking more and more unhappy as the pyramid goes downwards.

Does Your Group Fit?

Maybe you see some of these signs in your group. Maybe it was a cult. If so, calling it that might help you explain your story and begin healing.

But maybe your group didn’t have one powerful leader, or the beliefs weren’t that extreme. Maybe there was just one bad experience. That still counts as spiritual abuse. It can still be spiritual abuse, even if it doesn’t fit the full cult definition.

Groups exist on a scale. Some are very healthy, some are very unhealthy. Cults are at the extreme end, but there’s a lot in between. A lot of groups can be spiritually abusive without being cults.

Illustration showing that groups exist on a scale. An arrow has healthy groups on the left, unhealthy groups in the middle, and abusive groups on the right.

Can Cult Recovery Still Help You?

Even if your group wasn’t a cult, information made for people leaving cults can still help you. A lot of it talks about:

  • Indoctrination – when people try to control how you think.
  • Healing – how to find yourself again after being in a harmful group.

These things apply to lots of spiritually abusive situations, not just cults.

You Get to Choose the Words

You don’t have to call your group a cult. Even if it fits the definition, you can choose different words if that feels better. Or maybe your group doesn’t fully match the cult definition, but you still use the word to help others understand what you went through.

Two people wearing headscarves having a conversation and drinking tea, smiling.

Pay Attention to Your Feelings

It can be helpful to notice how you feel when you think about calling your group a cult.

  • Does it make your experience feel more real?
  • Does it make you feel guilty for talking badly about the group or its leader?
  • Does it make you feel nervous that perhaps you are wrong and the group was right?

These feelings can show you that you might still be carrying some old beliefs from the group. That’s okay.

A person writing notes with a content, thoughtful expression.

You can try writing down those old beliefs, and next to them, write new, healthier beliefs. Like this:

  • Old belief: “I’ll be punished by God if I speak badly about my leaders.”
  • New belief: “It’s okay and important to speak out when someone causes harm.”

To find out more about recovering from indoctrination, you can read this post: How to Heal From Indoctrination: Taking Back Your Mind

Want to Learn More?

If you think your group might have been a cult, or if you’ve been hurt by spiritual abuse, there are lots of helpful resources out there. You could try some of the books I used to write this post:

Or you can check out the Spiritual Abuse Recovery: Helpful Resources page for more books, videos and online resources.

If you feel you would like any support, visit the Get Help for Spiritual Abuse page. You don’t have to go through it alone.

By Ruth