Sometimes, being part of a an unhealthy spiritual or faith group can hurt us deeply. If this has happened to you, you might be left feeling very confused inside.
You might miss some things about your old community. You might still want to believe, practice, or be part of a group again. But at the same time, you might feel scared, angry, or upset when you think about going back into any spiritual space.
This is totally normal.
Read more about spiritual abuse: Spiritual Abuse Explained: What It Is and How to Recognise It
You get to choose how much (or how little) faith or spirituality is part of your life now. There is no “right” or “wrong” answer.
But if you do want to try joining a new spiritual community, it might not be as easy as just walking in and joining.
You might:
- Feel overwhelmed or stressed out
- Find some songs, symbols, or prayers upsetting
- Find it hard to trust people again
- Read more about how spiritual abuse can cause lasting trauma: Does Spiritual Abuse Cause Trauma? Understanding the Impact
There’s also something called “cult-hopping.” This is when someone leaves one unhealthy group, but then joins another one that is just as bad. This can happen when we’re still hurting and looking for healing in the wrong places. But don’t worry — with good support and careful thinking, you can make safer choices.
This blog post will help you think about whether trying a new spiritual group is the right choice for you right now.
What Are You Looking For?
Think about what you hope to find in a spiritual group. Are you looking for:
- A place to belong?
- People to talk to?
- Help and support?
- A place to learn more about faith or spirituality?
- Shared activities like singing, meditation, or prayer?
Or maybe something else?
Now ask yourself this: Is a spiritual group the best place for these needs right now?
Sometimes, spiritual places feel too scary or bring up hard memories. If that’s true for you, it’s okay to find what you need in other places.
For example:
- You can find connection and belonging through a club, like a choir, dance class, or art group.
- You can explore faith on your own, with personal prayer or reading.
- You can take time to heal before trying out another group.
Are You Choosing This for You?
Ask yourself:
Do I want to go to a spiritual group because I want to?
Or…
Is part of me scared something bad will happen if I don’t?
If you feel scared that something or someone (like God or a leader) will punish you if you don’t go, this could mean that some unhealthy beliefs from your old group are still affecting you. That’s okay — but it’s something to be aware of.
Also ask:
Do I think a spiritual group will “fix” everything?
Unhealthy groups often make big promises: “We can heal you,” “We have all the answers,” or “This group will make everything better.”
But healthy groups don’t make those promises — because no group can give you a perfect life. A healthy group might give you community and support, but not complete healing. That work still belongs to you.
What Are You Feeling?
Think about trying a new group online.
- How do you feel?
- Are there things that worry you? Things that feel good?
Now think about going in person.
- How do you feel?
- Are there things you are nervous or excited about?
You might want to complete these sentences to help:
- “I could never feel safe in a group that ______.”
- “To feel safe, a group needs to ______.”
- “Before I joined, I’d need to know that ______.”
- “I’ll know it’s safe if ______.”
- “I’ll know it’s not safe if ______.”
- “I’ll start to wonder if it’s safe if ______.”
Putting It All Together
Maybe you now have a clearer idea about what’s safe and right for you. Or maybe you still feel unsure.
Maybe one part of you wants to join a new group… and another part is screaming “No!”
That’s okay.
If you’re still unsure, it might be best to wait for now. Talk to someone you trust. Get their thoughts. But remember — the choice is always yours.
Feeling Big Feelings
Thinking about all this might bring up strong feelings.
You might feel:
- Sad about what you lost
- Angry at people who hurt you
- Scared that it will all happen again
These feelings are normal.
- Learn more about how to deal with big feelings: Help for When You Feel Overwhelmed: Getting Through Hard Moments
Ask yourself:
What do I need right now to help me with these feelings?
Some people find it helps to:
- Journal or write things down
- Do something active, like walking or dancing
- Talk to someone they trust
Healing takes time. But with kindness, patience, and support, you can find your way forward — in a way that feels safe and true for you.
You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to heal. And you deserve to choose your own path.
Take your time. You’re doing okay.
- Learn more about recovering from spiritual abuse: How to Heal from Spiritual Abuse: A Step-by-Step Recovery Guide
Books I Used to Write This Post
- Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory, by Deb Dana.
- Transforming the Living Legacy of Trauma, by Janina Fisher
- 8 Keys to Safe Trauma Recovery, by Babette Rothschild
- Walking Free From The Trauma Of Coercive, Cultic and Spiritual Abuse, by Gillie Jenkinson
- When Religion Hurts You: Healing from Religious Trauma and the Impact of High-Control Religion, by Laura Anderson
- Recovery of Your Inner Child, by Lucia Capacchione
- Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, by Pete Walker
For more helpful books, videos and podcasts about spiritual abuse and the road to recovery, check out the Spiritual Abuse Recovery: Helpful Resources page.
